Flawless Diva
by gingersnapped907
Summary: This is a fic for D's birthday. It's written by Lissianne and I as a special present to her. It of course has Shandy it. Oh and it should be rated H for hilarity. Well, we hope you think it's funny, but feel free to let us know what you think.


**_~Flawless Diva~_**

 ** _This is a fic for D's birthday. It's written by Lissianne and I as a special present to her.  
_**

* * *

Without bothering to look at his caller ID, at this time of the night could only be one person. Andy Flynn gruffly answered his ringing cell phone, "this better be good." He laid there listening to his partner complain but as normal Andy was only half paying attention to anything he was saying. "Look, all I hear is blah blah blah as you ramble on. Just text me the address and I'll meet you there in a half hour."

Not giving him a chance to reply Andy hung up the call and set his phone down before turning over in bed. As he moved he smiled at the groan that came beside him. "Don't worry, we've got it covered. You stay here, I'll go to the crime scene and meet with Provenza." He leaned closer to Sharon and kissed her. It was supposed to be a goodbye kiss but it quickly turned into a heated passionate kiss. Andy knew he needed to stop now or he would never leave this bed. Forcing himself to move away from her but he stayed close enough to cup her cheek as he told her. "I'll call you when we are heading into the office." He received a pout and a humm than she rolled over in bed. Pulling the covers up to her head until all Andy could see was Sharon's hair spread out across his pillow.

He really did not want to get out of their warm bed and go deal with a grumpy partner, but duty calls. The faster they could get the case closed the sooner he could get back into bed with this amazing woman.

When Andy arrived at the address Provenza sent him, there was no way to miss the flashing neon lights the spelled out "Flawless Divas." Letting out a groan as he got out of the car shielding his eyes as he passed by the sign above the bar doors. It was way too late at night to have his eyes focus on the shocking lights. Andy could just make out Provenza's figure standing in the doorway. He was talking to a very irritated young lady. All he could make out of what was being said before the woman stormed back into the building was "you find out who took it before I do and handle this myself. Do we understand each other?"

Wow she was ticked off, Andy was glad he wasn't the one having to deal with her. He could see Provenza looked unusually stressed, he was rubbing his face and let out a few curse words. Man, this must be a bad one Andy thought. Stopping next to the tense man and asked, "So is there a body in there? A mass killing? A priority missing?" With every question he only received a shake of a head from his partner. Louie looked troubled at the situation. It must be bad Andy thought if it was nothing that he had mentioned. "So what makes this a major crime?" He questioned him just as he saw Buzz and Tao come through the doorway. He was pretty sure he heard Buzz snicker and Mike mutter, "holy crap," as they passed beside them.

Pacing back and forth and messing with his tie, Provenza finally answered him, "The owner of the bar is Patrice's niece and she'll kill me if anything were to happen to her. E'gads, she might not kill me but she'll make my life a living hell, until I can make it up to her."

"So, you're telling me you dragged the entire team down here after having a long day closing a case because you're afraid of your girlfriend?" Andy rolled his eyes at the absurdity of all that was happening.

"Well, frankly hell, yes! Have you ever seen Patrice mad? It's scary and I don't want that to ever happen again." Provenza shuttered as he thought about their last disagreement.

Andy shrugged his shoulders and started into the bar room area. "Fine, let's get this over with and I'm not calling Sharon into this mess until I find out what's going on and if this case is worth wasting her time too."

"Why not call the Captain now, Flynn?" Ignoring his partner Andy continued in the dark room. Even in the dim lighting he could see that the whole place was decorated in leopard skin. "Are you too scared to deal with the wrath of Darth Vador?"

Turning to look at his grumpy friend in the eye Andy flatly said, "I don't want to call her because…well she's exhausted."

Provenza laughed as he walked past him saying, "We are all tired. Do you really think I want to be here? She knew what she was getting into when she took this job."

Knowing the man wasn't going to stop until he was shut up so Andy quickly said, "When I came here to what I thought was a major crime she was still sleeping in her warm bed. Our Captain happens to be worn out because I left her that way." Satisfied that he earned a few minutes of silence Andy turned to go talk to Julio maybe he would have information on what was going on. Andy added a loud "idiot' as he left Provenza standing there with his mouth open.

After recovering from his shock Provenza walked up to Julio and Andy, asking as he rubbed his forehead, "Do we have any eyewitness?"

"Over there, Sir," Julio motioned toward the corner booth. A young black haired woman in workout clothing sat sipping wine. A gym bag sat by her side. "Her name is Ali. She was working out at the gym down the street before stopping in for some liquid refreshment as she called it." Julio said with a smirk, "but if you ask me the only workout she's had is lifting her glass from the table to her mouth."

Provenza sighed, "that's all very interesting, but do you have any useful information?"

"She saw a slim woman with light brown hair and a monkey exit through the back door." Julio said flatly as if it was a description they receive daily.

"A monkey? You're telling me we have a monkey as an accomplice?" Provenza grumbled.

"Sir, not exactly." The detective went on to explain, "Actually, the monkey was carrying the item so that would make the woman the accomplice."

Provenza held out his hand to Andy, "give me your house keys. After this, I will need a place to stay." Provenza took a seat at the bar, "please tell me you got a description."

Julio took a small notebook out of his jacket pocket. As he flipped through the pages until he found the pertinent information. "Brown and brown, about four feet tall, wearing a red silk bowtie and a Dora the Explorer diaper."

"Good gawd, Sanchez." Provenza noticed Andy was standing next to Julio with a huge smirk on his face.

"Is this funny to you, Flynn?" Louie pointed a finger at his partner, "Do you want to see me dead here?" Getting more frustrated as the smile got bigger. Looking back at Julio he grumbled, "What about the woman?"

Glancing at his notebook and then back to the Lieutenant, "Sir, she didn't notice the woman. She was too fascinated with the monkey's bowtie." Julio shuffled his feet and added, "um, she said it was really on fleek."

Andy couldn't hold back his laughter any longer and had to cover his mouth with his hand to try muffling the sound. "Idiot" Provenza mumbled as he went in search of the bartender. Hoping he would have better luck with there bartenders always see everything going on in the bar.

Lieutenant Provenza entered the storeroom where he was told that the bartender, Amie was doing inventory. "I'd like a word…" Provenza began.

Without looking up from her inventory sheet, Amie interrupted, "what word do you need?"

Befuddled, Provenza managed a "what?" in response.

"You need a word, be more specific. I got millions of them,' she said as she peered at him over her clipboard.

"Actually, I need information. Did you see anything regarding the theft?" Provenza asked, "do you know anything about a woman and a um, a monkey seen exiting through the back?"

"A monkey? You mean Chip? Of course I saw him, he's a regular here," was her deadpan response. "Doesn't make sense he'd take the Jack. He's more of a Jose fan."

Provenza rolled his eyes, dreading the report he was going to have to give his team. "What about the woman?"

Before he could finish his question, she said, " Maggie? She's his driver, but let me tell you, sometimes, I have to call a cab for both of them."

Back in the bar Mike Tao found himself sitting at a table across from two leather clad waitresses. "I'm Lieutenant Tao with the LAPD and I'd like to ask you a few questions."

Immediately, Melissa said, "I can explain. It isn't how it looks." Melinda gave her co-worker a firm kick under the table, "ummph," escaped her lips as she rubbed her throbbing shin.

"I see you're dressed for riding, are planning on leaving town?" Tao asked.

A bit baffled at the question, Melissa said, "we always dress like this for work."

Melinda nodded as she leaned forward, her ample assets nearly spilling out of her leather vest, "bigger tips," she winked.

They weren't sure, but it sounded like the Lieutenant muttered "Holy crap."

He took a minute to flip through his note pad before asking, "What do you know about Maggie and a monkey named, Chip?"

"I knew he was trouble all along," Melinda said. Melissa nodded in agreement.

"But we didn't see anything, and we don't know anything," Melissa said defensively. "Nothing." As her nervous chatter got her another swift kick from under the table.

Tao's curiosity getting the best of him, "I have to ask, how do they keep your names straight?"

"That's simple, Kate gave us nicknames, I'm GG and she's Meli," Melinda explained.

Mike asked confused, "GG?"

"It has something to do with my hair color. You're the detective I'm sure you can figure it out." Melinda said as she smiled at him. "Oh and I'd be more than happy to help in that investigation anyway I can."

This time the redhead earned a kick to the shin from Melissa. As she rubbed her leg she looked at her friend, "Oww I'm only trying to be a helpful citizen."

"Um yeah, way too helpful." In a low voice Meli firmly added, "knock it off and I mean right now."

The Lieutenant knew there was definitely something else going on but he needed to get these ladies back on to the matter at hand. So he asked, "and Kate would be?"

Happy to change the subject, Meli motioned towards the door, "the bouncer."

Tao turned to see a woman sitting on a barstool near the front door braiding flowers in her hair. She was wearing ripped jeans and a tie-dyed tank top. She had a small frame with more of a physique of a dancer than a bouncer. When Lt Tao turned back around, the women were eyeing him much like feral cats eye a can of tuna. He quickly thanked them and beat a hasty retreat from the table.

"Let us know if we can ever be of service." GG called after him as they both giggled.

Andy decided questioning the lounge singer was the lesser of evils, made his way over to the stage where a woman with long hair sat on the edge of it reading a thick book. Holding his suit jacket open as he approached her and said, "hello, I'm Lieutenant Flynn. Can I ask you your name and what you might have seen tonight?"

The young woman glanced up from her textbook to look nervously at the badge and gun on his hip. "It's Emily and I only sing here to put myself through grad school."

"That's very commendable of you," he sighed. "What do you know about a woman with a monkey and the missing Jack Daniels?"

"Do you know the probability of a monkey being involved in stealing alcohol?" she asked.

"I expect it's pretty low," Flynn said rolling his eyes.

"I'm a math teacher you know, well in the daytime." Taking out a piece of paper out of the binder she was taking notes in, she began scribbling figures and equations. "I am going to do an algorithm to prove the point."

"Algo…" Flynn grumbled under his breath, and rubbing the back of his neck, "good gawd, where's Tao when you need him?"

On the other side of the bar Amy was trying to calm down an irate DeQuana. Who had some very choice words and ideas on how to deal with the person who took her Jack. Her upset voice carried throughout the bar as she talked to Amy, "Why did they have to mess with the Jack? They must of known it would hurt me the most to have it taken. Why not take the Baileys or Patron or the Crown Royal, but no this was personal, they went after my damn Jack Daniels."

Andy who had come over was listening to Amy interview the upset owner, when suddenly he went storming into the storage room where Provenza was still talking to Amie. The door flew open as Andy pushed it harder than need be. In a raised voice Andy practically shouted, "you're telling me all this is about a case of Jack Daniels?"

Seeing the stare down that was going on, for a bartender who had seen everything didn't want to get in the way of these two, so she said trying to break the tension. "It seems like you two have issues. Do you need me to leave you alone or are you going to shoot each other?" Amie asked as she looked at the furious silverfox of a man that had stormed through the door. She might as well be saying blah blah blah for as much as the two police officers were paying attention to her now, she thought. Shaking her head, "great, this evening turned out different than I expected that's for sure." Collecting the paperwork she needed to finish and headed for the door. As the two men kept bickering Amie walked out of the storage room and muttered under her breath "did I shave my legs for this?"

Giving up on trying to calm Flynn down Provenza left to go back into the bar. Whatever was happening in this place needed to be solved as soon as possible, he would like to be able to go home to his girlfriend tonight. He could hear Patrice niece D' yelling at him from where Sykes was questioning her. "Hey Louie, if you ever want to be my uncle you better find out what happened here. It will only take one call to my aunt." Cringing as he made his way over to Tao who was by the front door talking to what looked like a hippie. It made him miss the sixties; at this moment as his team staring at him he wished he were there. So many great memories from those years he thought.

Standing next to Mike who explained who the lady was. "So you're the bouncer?" Provenza asked Kate with a smirk. "I take it you are an expert in karate, judo or tae kwon do."

"No man, just peace, love and rock and roll." she said with a smile as she made a peace sign with her fingers.

To Provenza, Kate and him had a lot in common but he was pretty sure that she hadn't left the sixties at all. "Have you had any trouble with a Maggie before?" He asked her.

"Not anything out of the ordinary, but man, that monkey." Kate shivered as she continued, "he's got some bad karma."

"Do you know where we might find them?" Tao asked seeing the other lieutenant was getting frustrated at everyone not knowing anything that was going on in this bar.

"I just saw Ashley, the cook, go into the kitchen." Kate said in a light happy voice, "she's her roommate ask her."

Andy had been talking to a group of ladies in the back of the lounge. He needed time to cool off from being blind sighted by his partner into working this case if that what it really was. It was hard to get their attention since they were mostly just giggling. In between sighs and waving hands, Andy got out of them something about Shandy, and fan-twirling whatever that was. Andy still he wrote it down on his notepad.

Buzz who was standing next to Flynn must of read it because he corrected him. "Um, no sir it's fangirling." Andy slowly looked up form his writing and just stared at the younger man. "What I'm on social media."

"I have no idea what they are talking about, but is it have anything pertaining to a monkey and booze?" Andy was getting more confused as he asked the reserve officer, 'you know did they take more than the jack? Did they take Shandy beer too?"

"No something about...oh never mind." Buzz laughed, shaking his head. "Nope, the only thing missing is the Jack Daniels."

Andy went in search of the lead pain in the ass of this case and came up to Provenza as the bouncer mentioned the cook's name. It got him thinking there seemed to be a theme here. Everyone that worked here was female? Maybe it was just a coincidence. Andy thought and shrugged his shoulders. He didn't care all he wanted was to be done with this all. So he quietly followed his partner. Flynn and Provenza found Ashley heading for the back door. She was carrying a cake she'd just taken from the refrigerator.

"Looks like we have another thief in this mess." Flynn said as he stepped in front of her and once again showing his badge on his hip.

Juggling the large box. Ashley said, "I can explain." She tried to act unfazed at the move the handsome officer made.

"They always can, " Provenza groaned.

"Get D and you all need to come with me," Ashley said in a stern tone. "She'll need to identify the alleged missing Jack anyway."

Provenza being completely done with all the run around they have been given by everyone here asked. "Why don't we haul this Maggie, the monkey and the Jack downtown and we can be done?"

"It doesn't work that way," Ashley said over her shoulder as she passed Andy and got into her car. "You following me or what?"

As if the night couldn't get any more bizarre, the caravan took winding route through downtown until they came upon a small house on the outskirts. Amy was still trying to calm D. It was worse now that she knew it was Maggie that took her beloved Jack, "I'm going to kick her ass for stealing from me. I thought we were friends."

Loud music was rattling the windows of the house they arrived at. Provenza knocked repeatedly before a woman who he presumed was Maggie stepped out on the porch. She had barely open the door and quickly closed it behind her.

"Someone turn off that crap." Provenza yelled.

"It's Garbage," Flynn said over the loud music.

"Thank you for your observation. At least we agree on something." Provenza said sarcastically.

"Garbage is an alternative rock band," Flynn explained with a roll of his eyes. The entire team grew silent and stared at him. "What? Rusty listens to it sometimes."

"I'll let you all come inside, but D must go first." Maggie said not caring that there was a squad of police officers on her front porch.

Provenza stammered, "Wait…what? We are giving the orders and we in fact don't want to go inside. We are here to take you and that monkey down to the…."

Before he could finish DeQuana pushed her way to the front, "girl you better have my Jack." Andy was worried for Maggie so he stood between them, but she didn't seem fazed as the friends stood face to face.

"Hush, if you come in the house it will all be explained." Maggie said with a knowing smile on her face. She shrugged, "Will you just go inside then we'll deal with all this?"

"Fine, I go in but you better bet it will be dealt with tonight." As D stepped into the dimly lit house, there were shouts of "surprise!" The house was packed with family and friends for DeQuana's birthday party. Though the first one at the door to greet her was D's boyfriend. "Don't tell me you were in on this?" She questioned him with a look that would do Darth Raydor proud.

He instantly backed up and raised his hands, "Girl, just the party. I had nothing to do with the jack. I told Maggie when Chip brought it in that that was a bad idea."

Maggie spoke up to help calm everyone down, "ok yes, I might have had a few, well quite a few drinks and ended up letting Chip in there talk me into the idea of borrowing your booze." She pointed over on the table in the dining room and there was D's Jack Daniels. It was set up on a pedestal display as the centerpiece. "Don't worry it's all there and ready for you to drink."

From the living room Patrice made her way over to her stunned boyfriend. "Louie, I had nothing to do with this I promise. I just got here right before you did." She drew in into her and kissed him.

From her man's arms D's called out as she held up a bottle of Jack Daniels, "He did a great job, Aunt Patrice. I think he's a keeper."

"Oh, so do I. Dear, so do I." Patrice turned to the whole team that was standing in the doorway. "Thank you all, for helping and I'm sorry that you did all this work for what turned our to be surprise party of my niece, I'm sure D would be happy if you joined us."

It ended up that Amy, Buzz and Julio stayed. Mike said he needed to home to Kathy and Andy said he wanted to get home too and quickly left.

Finally having this fiasco of a night behind him steeled Andy got in his car and headed back to Sharon's.

As Andy quietly went into their bedroom he couldn't takes his eyes off the most magnificent sight before him. He shook his head and smiled. Who would have guessed that Sharon Raydor was a bed hog? The best thing is that not many people knew this fact and Andy was hopeful that he would be the last person to ever find out about it. As he stripped down, his eyes never left her form. Sharon was lying on her stomach in the middle of the bed with her head on his pillow, turned away from him.

Not that Andy could see her face anyways with her gorgeously wild hair was draped over it. Her left arm was bent at the elbow and tucked under the pillow while the other was stretched out across the bed almost hang over the edge. The sheet was covering most of her body and so was her nightgown but her legs had escaped their confines. Now those of legs of Sharon's were another weakness of his beside her hair, her eyes and that laugh. Andy could only see the red painted toes of her right foot, but her left leg was completely bare from her upper thigh down. The sheet and her purple silk nightgown had rose up probably from all her moving around to get comfortable. Not that he was going to complain one bit. The perfectly shaped leg was bent at the knee and her foot was halfway off the bed. If her goal was to take up as much space as possible Sharon had succeeded, he thought letting out quiet laugh.

Andy assumed she slept like this all the time when he wasn't occupying her bed that is. They hadn't had a lot of time learning to share a bed yet. This physical part of their relationship was fairly new and he didn't mind taking this part slow either, In fact he rather preferred it slow with Sharon. That way he got to know all of her, and he did mean all of her that much better. Once again he was smiling as he thought of how slow the night had gone by. Andy was quite proud of himself to know that was why Sharon Raydor was completely and utterly exhausted. Rusty had been staying at a friend from school to study together. So they had all night to take it slow.

Round one, as Sharon had called it, had happen in the kitchen as they were doing the dishes. Round two had occurred while they were on the couch as they attempted to watch a movie. Since they were tired after taking it slow they had finally ended up in bed for a good night's sleep. That's when Andy had gotten called out on the crazy night.

Now that he was back in her bedroom, Andy carefully crawled into what little space was left on the bed. As soon as he laid back though he felt a movement behind him. Andy tried to stay still not wanting to wake her. His eyes grew wide as he felt Sharon's leg draped across him than tangled itself around his thigh to settle under his calf. Andy laid all the way back to wrap his arm around her and she tucked her head into the space between his shoulder and his neck. She always did fit against him perfectly.

In a sleepy voice she asked, "You or Provenza didn't call so everything is okay? You didn't need me?" Sharon laid her head on Andy's chest and ran her fingers along it.

"Beautiful, I always need you, but trust me on this one be happy you can deny ever being involved in this case." Andy said with a laugh as he thought about the last few hours. He stroked his hand through her silky hair. "Though, I did find out a lot tonight for one that it's Patrice's niece birthday, that monkeys prefer Jose and that there are people out there fangirling over Shandy. Though I have no clue what either of those is. If you want to know Buzz said he be happy to explain it to you."

"Hmmm. Yes, I think I'll be happy to stay in the dark on this one, especially if Provenza is entangled in it." Sharon mumbled in that was a little bit more awake. "I'm just happy you're home. I missed you."

Andy smiled contently at Sharon's use of the word home. Moving his hand from her hair he ran it down over her back and over her waist. "Oh and I might have told Provenza that you were exhausted."

Sharon smacked his hand that was now holding her hip, "Andy, tell me you didn't did you?"

"Well, you say you were exhausted after round two, didn't you?" Andy quickly flipped them over to where he was above her holding himself up with his arms. She gasped at the sudden movement then smiled as Andy kissed her. He felt legs wrap around his waist, pulling him down to her until there was no space between them. Just before he deepened their kiss Andy lifted his head to ask her, "So, are you ready for round three?"

* * *

 ** _~The end~_**

 _Happy Birthday D! Sure hope you enjoyed it as much as we enjoyed writing it! You're a great friend, and we hope you have a great birthday and an even better year!_


End file.
